Understanding the world today.

Let's see if I understand how the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender..

If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.

If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the deceased blames the airline.


I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.


So, if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of this computer...

I want you to blame Bill Gates...okay?




Monty

The Horse

A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" the man asked.

The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket".

The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on"

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon regaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.


"Your horse phoned"



Monty

New Car

The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look !" she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 8 seconds or less. "And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."


For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.


Services are pending.



Monty

DEAD GOLDFISH

Little Carol was in the garden, filling a hole,
when her neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he asked,
"What are you up to there, Carol?"

My goldfish is dead," replied Carol tearfully, without looking up,
"and I've just buried him."

The neighbor laughed and said condescendingly,
"That a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Carol patted down the last heap of earth, then replied,
"That's because he's inside your cat."




Monty

NASA sued for upsetting horoscope

Who says no good deed goes unpunished!

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A Russian astrologer took legal action against NASA for compensation Monday, claiming that the US space agency's bombardment of the Tempel 1 comet will upset her horoscope and violates her spiritual rights.

The experiment, in which NASA fired a projectile the size of a fridge at the comet Monday, was an attack on "the holy of holies," Marina Bai's law suit claims, according to Russian press reports. Her suit, filed at a Moscow court,
claims violation of her "life and spiritual values."

"In any case, it is obvious that elements of the comet's orbit and associated ephemera will change after the explosion, which interferes with my practice of astrology and deforms my horoscope," the Izvestia daily quoted Bai
as saying.

Bai is demanding 8.7 billion rubles (300 million dollars, 250 million euros) compensation.

Her lawyer, Alexander Molokhov, told the Moscow Echo radio that the case is based on solid legal ground, since NASA has a representative office on Russian territory.

Bai originally attempted to have a court prevent the experiment from taking place, but her suit was rejected. After a higher city court intervened, the court agreed to hear the case -- though too late to protect Tempel 1.

The NASA probe rammed into the comet, which lies 133 million kilometers (83 million miles) from Earth, early Monday as part of an experiment that scientists hope will help reveal how the Universe was formed.


Monty

Happy 4th of July

Enjoy your freedom.



Monty