Thursday, December 28, 2006
Monday, December 18, 2006
I lost a friend this week; very old having been born in the late 1830s.
But through good and troubled times it was the inner strength and tone that resulted in that longevity.
My friend may be gone, but will be remembered for reaching out to all types of people throughout the world offering assistance, a friendly chat, and a guiding spark in the darkness.
The friend's name you ask?
It was Code; Morse Code.
So long you old codger; thanks for the memories and the lives you touched and saved.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
A Lady liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay.
She received back the following reply:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quada detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.
You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.
We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that your plan is to offer counseling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views all females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka -- over time.
Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs". Wasn't that how you put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.
Cordially, your friend,
GEORGE W. BUSH
Friday, December 15, 2006
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam just outside of Dallas.
Nothing is moving North or South.
Suddenly a man knocks on his window, the driver rolls down his window and
asks, "What happened? What's the hold up?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, Al
Sharpton and John Kerry. They are asking for a $100M ransom or the are going
to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to
car taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving?"
"About a gallon"
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,
and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will praise you!
She will bear your children.
and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and
passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
Of course the rest is history......................